Clotting

Hard white clots cling to the sides of your flowing highway,

your precious life liquid struggling to get through.

I can still hear your steady pulse despite everything.

Perhaps the yellow star that hangs in orbit

will melt away these pesky clots

so your life blood can flow on with ease.

This short poem was inspired by the frozen creek here on campus.  I’d never seen it almost completely frozen before and thought it was a beautiful sight that I wanted to try and capture with words.

~ginget241

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7 thoughts on “Clotting

  1. Wow, an interesting angle! I actually thought it was about clotted arteries in an elderly relative. If you could add a line or two that reflects the intended subject of an icy stream it would be a great twist at the end. As it stands you need the explanation to give it that specific context.
    Great imagination! 🙂

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      1. Cool. But don’t lose that initial human circulation system vibe that the reader gets, just append the icy stream stuff at the end; I love a good twist! 🙂

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  2. It’s getting there but try to avoid some of the words you’ve already used (so perhaps “icy jewels” instead of the 2nd clump). And maybe instead of the description of the sun perhaps use the warmth of sunlight or a breeze that hints of Spring, releasing the flow to ocean’s end. Or something.
    Melt is good here, not sure about pesky, doesn’t really fit the previous tone.
    Hope that helps!
    🙂

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